haha wow that good mood lasted all of ten minutes

Tags: about ara i wrote my soc professor about my pronouns and they just wrote me back and now i feel like shit like i'm honestly tearing up i asked her to use they/them pronouns and she said she'd just use my name and not any pronouns like no that's not at all what i asked? and like i understand that sometimes that's a placeholder when you're learning new pronouns but you don't just be like 'nah i just won't use pronouns at all then' she also played the whole 'this is like learning a new language overnight' card and then told me that if i messed up to 'hold my criticism until after class instead of disrupting the other students' learning environment' and i guess that's because i did send the email during class (i use my laptop to take notes anyway) but i wasn't disrupting anything? i didn't say anything out loud i just quietly wrote the email while she went to get flashcards so it's not even like i wasn't paying attention to the lesson i mean i guess i can't expect her to remember the exact time she left the classroom but still i feel like shit i think the reason i hate the whole 'i just won't use pronouns at all 4 u' thing is because like you already use they/them as a gender neutral singular pronoun for someone you don't know so clearly you are capable of this and i understand that there needs to be a grace period where you have to adjust just bc you're basically breaking an old habit but when you outright refuse to use them it feels an awful lot to me like 'ok i GUESS ill induldge you but i dont REALLY think of you as nb so im not gonna use neutral pronouns even though im capable of doing so' and it kinda makes me mad bc i was better about this with my trans friends than most people i know looooooong bf i even got on tumblr so it's not like switching pronouns as soon as someone comes out is something only super aware/educated people know to do like i would have a brief period of mix-ups where i had to break the old habit and that was it? it is genuinely not that hard but yeah tl;dr i feel like shit and i'm super disappointed with my soc teacher

Actually now that I think about it I’m preeetty sure the doctor said she was giving me immediate release quetiapine and not extended release, which means it wouldn’t be doing anything for my anxiety by the time I wake up anyway. Which explains why I haven’t noticed myself being any less anxious than usual. I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown like two hours ago (I’m better now. I got Starbucks and lasagna and some exercise and listened to music and someone covered my shift, so I’m better. Probably won’t last but oh well) bc I’m so stressed about balancing school and work. I have no idea how people do it. If money weren’t an issue I would quit bc this is just waaaaaay too much and I can’t handle it. But money is a very, very big issue. And all the stuff with Daniel and friends and ex-friends and people-i-hate-who-think-theyre-my-friends doesn’t help either. I’m going to stop now before I ruin my good mood sorry

I did manage to get someone to cover for me tonight so I have a chance of getting sort of caught up with classes. I feel really bad that it was so last-minute and I already have next Monday off, plus Emily and I made a pact that if I’m closing for the next few Saturdays, she’ll trade with me so I can go see my old high school band perform at competitions, and in exchange I cover for her when she’s scheduled on Friday nights during home games. Plus my manager is really deadpan when he’s not actively joking around so I always feel like he’s mad at me. But yeah I’m getting groceries now bc I had already made it to the store when someone agreed to cover for me, so at least I get good food tonight.

right now I’m in a constant struggle of “will spending a few dollars to indulge myself be good for my mental health or will I just become overwhelmed with guilt and stress about spending the money I should be saving”

im touring a prison soon and had to ask for the day off

  • me: hey can I get the 29th off I'm going to prison
  • manager: what did you do omfg
  • manager: you've been hanging out with Ramsey too much
  • manager: can I testify against you in court




Let’s play another round of Who Has the Biggest Victim Complex?:

  • A. neurotypical people
  • B. white people
  • C. straight people
  • D. cis people

but what about men?

for once “but what about men” was a phenomenal addition to one of my posts and I applaud you

(via lullabydust)

I came out to one of my coworkers last night and it went over really well~

I’m really hungry but the second I put food in my mouth I feel nauseous, but then a minute or two after I walk away I feel hungry again. Tummy you have to pick one or the other. Make up your mind

  • Daniel: but ions work the same way?
  • me: don't you ruin this for me

danplaystrumpet said: You have slipped into the dark depths of tumblr culture. You are a lost cause. You have used comic sans as the font on the title of your page.


… that’s not even remotely comic sans?????

i’m not being sarcastic, i didn’t change it right before posting it. It’s been that font for days. i never had it set to comic sans??


ps comic sans is used so commonly because it’s good for kids with dyslexia, or so i’ve heard? i just chose arial instead because it has similar qualities but i find it a cleaner font.


Fall Cypress - {by Robin Stevens} | {Follow on 500px}

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New Tag Alert

Two new personal tags are being added to my repertoire:

  • #ara is awake for posts pertaining directly to insomnia, since i know i can get kind of whiny in those and some of you probably want it off your dash
  • #ara tries quetiapine for posts relating directly to side-effects and other experiences that may be related to my reaction to quetiapine; these will be posted mostly under read-mores and are more for my personal reference so that i can keep track of these things. they will also be tagged with #medicine and #drugs and/or #drugs mention for more general blocking needs.

tumblr saviour as needed and carry on! as always, this post will be tagged with the above tags so that you can check that you’ve blocked them effectively.

i can’t really tell if the seraquel is reducing my anxiety yet; i don’t feel too anxious but then my general anxiety level is not that high to begin with, it’s just that i have higher and more frequent highs than i should. but i think my baseline anxiety is probably pretty average, maybe a 2 or 3 at most except when i’m in the middle of long-term stressful situations (in which case it jumps up to 6 or 7 as a baseline and goes up from there).

(also to be clear i’m using “1” on this scale to mean “average level of anxiety experienced by neurotypical people from day-to-day with few or no long-term stress-inducing situations,” not to mean “no anxiety at all”)

i am a liiiitle concerned though that reducing general anxiety for me might actually have some negative affects on my grades and stuff? like yeah it’s not good for my mental health but sometimes the only way to get me to study is to make myself feel guilty and anxious about not studying. hopefully the antidepressant and adderall increase will combat any of that though :V